I hate it when my disabilities get in the way of my life and I get discriminated against. This happens on a daily basis throughout the city. I understand what segregation and not being part of the group is like. Over the past seven months I have been introduced to and used a wheeled walker, AFO also known as a foot brace, many gadgets and gizmos to help with daily living also known as ADL equipment, and finally the indwelling Foley catheter.
The equipment added up to a lot, was cumbersome and bulky. My three most frequent stores are shoppers drug mart, shoppers home healthcare, and Motion Specialty’s. I feel safest at the Chronic Pain program in Victoria Ville Mall, Saint Joe’s hospital, Alpha Court and Nor West Health clinic.
Everywhere else I go; is touch and go. The Victoria Ville Mall itself and any other stores are full of people who just don’t understand I don’t get it. People will deliberately walk in your face, speed by you and then state I’m late because of the person behind me, slam doors in your face, stare at you, or ask inappropriate questions.
I am 36 and I do have all of this equipment. However the equipment that I have on a daily basis helped me in one way or another. It’ll eliminate falls and allows me to be independent and decreases my pain is sensitivity levels on an ongoing basis. I have had medical professionals asked me why I have the equipment and what’s my deal. I’ve had random strangers come up to me and state in a very sloppy slimy voice that’s more like syrup that they’re so sad that this is happened to me, i’ve also had family members who deliberately and out rightly will not speak to me and ignore my existence because of my chronic health problems and disabilities. It’s not like I like having these things and want these things and they have been prescribed which is why I use them. I have learned to trust my inner strength to continue to move on on a daily basis. I continue to work with my therapist and my circle of support to gain strength and the courage to MoveOn.
A disability parking pass, is another touchy subject. One NEEDS to APPLY for this pass, and they are not given out to anybody on the street. Medical professionals need to SIGN the paper for the pass and there is an agreement that the applicant signs, who has the pass. When I walk out of vehicles, I may not look disabled, but I am. It takes more energy to walk into a store, without my walker than with it. It holds me up, puts less pressure on my joints and muscles and allows me to have energy to shop. Without it, I look less "disabled" but am definitely in more pain. Getting in and out of vehicles, I get the "look" all the time, and I give the "look" right back. I am not using the system, this was given to me by my doctor and occupational therapist because I NEED it.
This week I was told that my cognitive ability is like a 12-year-old. As well my reading and writing skills are less than 1% of the population when compared to other people of my age and education level. This hurts it’s like a slap in the face sometimes I just don’t want to be van because of it it’s overwhelming and my insides turn and stick together like glue. This is when I need my support network more than ever. I’ve become hyper vigilant and wonder who can actually see the me and who could see the person who is surviving. There’s so much to unravel when looking at my brain and so much to try to illuminate when accessing it. The hearing impairment the speech impairment the anxiety the depression the pain this And the that.I am complex I am a challenge however I am strangely and ultimately unique. My tenaciousness and inner strength shine through and that makes me the person who I am.
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