Functional Neurological Disorder

This is a disorder that falls somewhere between Neurology and Psychology.   It’s basically when your neurological system starts to shut down for no apparent reason.  There is no physical cause for this to happen.  People speculate that it is historical trauma that blocks the nerves and transmitters from firing properly.  The end result is senses not working properly.

I was diagnosed with this disorder in Toronto by a physiatrist.   A physiatrist works with peoples physical self.  For me, this disorder means that on any given day various parts of me won’t work.  One day I won’t be able to feel my legs and weakness will make me paralyzed not being able to hold my own weight.  On these days I need to use the wheelchair and transfer appropriately.  Other days my legs will scissor when walking and I’m fine in my home with the walker but will need a wheelchair when I’m out and about as exhaustion inhibits me from functioning, tripping over my feet on a continual basis.   It has ripped me from my ability to read and write.  I use speech to text software to write and text to speech to read.   My energy encompasses itself and every single thing is mentally and physically exhausting.   My senses that do work shoot into overdrive, especially when I see fear.   When I’m sitting down having a 1:1 chat with someone I’m blocking out every single thing that is around me.   I hear the furnice too loudly, I wonder if there is a mass muderer on the city bus that drove by, the garbage truck could hit the snow bank and end up in my house, did I turn the stove off, if I sit too long I’ll get sore, the lights in the room are too bringer, the person I’m talking too is probably judging the chair today.   The fear, anxiety and stimulation hurts so much.