The way my body reacts is to go completely numb, acting in a paralyzed fashion and the weight that the legs carry falls.
In March 2017 after a hard fall on the ice, there were many repeated falls. They turned into daily occurrences that turned into falling four to five times a day. This is when the chronic pain program provided me with a rollator (Four Wheeled Walker). The walker kept me upright, mobile and I was able to regain my independence on the things that mattered in my life. The walker was life changing. Until it wasn't.
After having major surgery in June I never regained the endurance and energy that I previously had. I was tired more often and my head began spinning in the same fashion as when I was falling. The falls started all over again, but this time with the walker. They happened both in and out of the house. However, the majority of them happened when I was out of the house after making a few trips in and out of the stores. They also happened as I was more stimulated from the environment. Due to the brain injury once my brain becomes stimulated by scents, visual information or loud noises it begins to shut down.
After numerous trips to the emergency department, speaking to occupational therapists and physio therapists, medical professionals and my psychotherapist it has been decided that the next logical step is to introduce me to a manual wheelchair. Currently, I'm using a transport wheelchair to get the feel of sitting. However, the downside of the transport chair is that someone has to push me all the time. A manual chair will give me the opportunity to gain more independence again and allow me to go out and about safely without having the constant thought that I am going to fall and end up with another dreaded brain injury.
There is a lot of consider when transitioning into a chair. However, the pro's outweigh the con's as I gear up for the transition. I'm working closely with my physio and OT to ensure mobility continues to happen and I don't let me muscles that I do have go to waste. Swimming will be top priority too!
I feel like I am not honouring my body during this transition. I feel like I'm less humane in the chair. Even though, at the start at least, it's going to be for part time use community use, I feel like I am robbing the 'wheelchair' population. Conversion Disorder is complicated. Like why can I walk perfectly fine in the mornings when I'm by myself in a minimal sensory stimulating environment but by the time I go into a stimulating one, i'm a wreck falling 3-5 times an outing. This past week my legs have gone completely paralyzed on 3 separate occasions. One of these times happened to be in the hospital, another one in my psycho-therapists office. Even in the hospital, it was a supportive environment where I hung out until they became alive again. Scary is a word for it.
I'm being prescribed a Halo Composite a7. It's lightweight and compact. Burgundy in colour this baby will allow me to be a new me! The goal is to use it if I'm going to be taking 15 steps or more in any given direction without a seat in between.
If you see me out and about, please don't make a big deal of it, because it's the eyes and the reactions that will keep me going (or not).
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